I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
