Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
