I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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