Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
