finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
