Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
where are my eyebrows?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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