You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
