The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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