what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
