Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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