If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
