dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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