Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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