census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
