you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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