There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
