don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just cropdusted the office
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
