i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
