Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
