I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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