Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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