This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
