I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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