I wish I could punch you in the face.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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