lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
