I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
