She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
