Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
