how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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