That's intense
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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