Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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