No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
