She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
