he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
