I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
