cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
