i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
