I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
