I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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