you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
