Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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