remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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