my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
