Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
