If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
