now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
