Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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