Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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