I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
