i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
