Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
